Lying is something that all of us (come on, admit it) do, at least, just a little now and then. Someone calls you to ask a favor or to meet them and you say you "don't feel well." You forget to do something for someone and you make up a little story so as to "not hurt their feelings". Is that so bad?
I have been looking around and listening to both myself and others and it is amazing what we sometimes say. The question is: what is the harm?
I am not going to deal with religious punishments or things like that here. I just want to point out two very practical problems with any type of lying. Perhaps, that will help each of us to "think" before we "speak" (if it's a lie).
First, and the boldest, you have to keep track of them! You tell something that didn't happen and now you have to remember that, as far as you are concerned (and the person you fibbed to) it did happen. You can't even let it slip somewhere else. This world is very small. People know people. You tell your friend. Your friend accidently let's it slip to one person who is a friend. That friend owes you nothing, so remembering it is not so nearly important...on and on...
Second, and more importantly, when you lie, you reduce yourself in your own head. When a lie is told, your mind knows it is not the truth. There are all types of twists and turns, but it boils down to: you let yourself down. Plus, you let the person you told the lie to down. Do you not think that person is capable of accepting the truth? If not, then why? We should all be able to handle the truth if it is stated out of love and concern and honesty. Now, there are many ways to tell the truth. There are ways to keep it from hurting so much and making us appear mean and uncaring. Example:
Joe: "Hey, Scott, how about helping me Saturday morning at the hamburger fry?"
Scott: (Lie) "Joe, I would like to, but I promised my boss I would get some important paperwork done and it will take a long time."
Scott: (Truth) "Joe, I enjoy helping you do things. You are a good friend, but I don't really want to spend this Saturday at a hamburger fry."
In the first example, Joe can't really argue with you. You are doing your job. But, after several times with the same basic excuse, Joe will figure it out and be hurt.
In the second example, Joe should hear that you like him and helping him and spending time with him, but it is the activity itself you don't want to do, nothing to do with Joe.
Just a thought. You know there are few things that will lose you friends quicker than lying to them and getting caught. Telling the truth in a loving way can help to bring you and your friends and family even closer together by building trust.
I look forward to your comments,
Scott
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
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2 comments:
Scott, I appreciated your truthful response: "Joe, I enjoy helping you do things. You are a good friend, but I don't really want to spend this Saturday at a hamburger fry."
It's lighthearted but honest at the same time. You're also letting Joe know that it's not personal. :)
Thanks, Faith. I am learning more about this myself. It is difficult (I know this!) to try and tell anyone something they don't want to hear. One thing that has helped me: I practice on telemarketers. I try to get them off the phone by being truthful, but nice. I keep trying even when they are just holding on with their teeth gritted. Eventually, I just say "no" and, if they won't let go, I hang up; however, that's just life. There are people who are going to keep coming at you and never letting up. After you have been nice for a long time, you may just have to say it honestly and directly, but still with love.
One of my favority lines is from the movie "Roadhouse" where Swayze says, "You be nice, until it is time to not be nice."
I like that!
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