Hello to all,
You know, I have a lot of trouble with racial statements in my classroom at times. I know several people I would categorize as racists. Here's the problem: Tonight, I received an email sent by someone I know. It contained a forward of a letter supposedly written about a statement made by a celebrity about racial prejudices by people other than white people. I read it; I even agree with some points to a small degree; however, when I took the 5 minutes to look it up on Snopes.com, it was stated to be almost totally false.
Here's my problem. All the people who read this before took the time to pick all their family and friends in their email boxes to send this letter to. They took the time to read it, blindly accept it as true, and then pass it on others. What would have hurt to have spent the 5 minutes I did to look up the validity of the letter before sending it out to 30 other people?
I have a couple of thoughts. You decide how they sound.
First, the person merely passed it on because a "Friend" passed it on, so it must be true.
Second, the person passed it on because it sounded "good".
Third, the person didn't care whether it was true or not.
Okay, my take on this is that, whatever the case, whoever sends these types of emails on are adding more to the problem than taking away from them. For one, that person is basically stating that they believe this to be true, so others who know that person may believe it is true. For another, others can "assume" that, if you pass these emails on then YOU agree with them and actually promote the ideas in them. And, finally, if they turn out not to be true, you have shown that you don't check into the things you pass on, making, at least, me reserve any beliefs I might have about things you send in the future.
If it sounds like I am upset, it's because I am. What if you were one of the people who was affected by this type of email. Let's try this. How about if I chose to write something about you that was false, but really hard to prove that way. I embellish it and send it out to all my friends. They see my name and, because I am usually truthful, decide it MUST be TRUE! So, they send it out to all their friends. Now, their friends may not know either you or me; however, they believe their friends would not send out bad things about people, so they pass it on. Do you realize that if I send it out to 30 people and only 25% (7-8) people pass it on and that trend continues every 30 minutes, that:
In 1 hour, 56 people will be passing it on as true,
In 2 hours, 3,150 people will be passing it on as true,
In 3 hours, over 1.77 million people will be passing on as true, and
In 4 hours, almost 10 million people will be passing on as true.
Now, how would you feel knowing that in less than 5 hours, nearly everyone in the entire WORLD (5 billion+) might believe something about you that is terribly false?
Just something to think about when you receive emails.
As always, I love to hear your responses,
Scott
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Relationships worth having can be hard
I have noticed that the old saying, "If it's worth having, it's worth working hard for," seems to be really true with good relationships. They test your mettle; they bring you to situations in which you may have to make very tough decisions and work hard to keep them.
I think this is a good thing in the long run. It means you have to decide if you truly want the relationship and are willing to "tough it out" to keep it going. Of course, I believe that part of it is simply the decision that it is worth keeping.
It is pretty easy (or at least easier) to just let a relationship go when it gets tough or when hard decisions have to be made. It is simpler (at the moment) to just say, "oh well, there will be others," rather than say, "I really love this person and I am willing to do what it takes to keep it going."
A good relationship, by definition, will (and should) demand a bit more of you than one that is casual and not necessarily going to go the distance. You have to deal with options and items that you might not even have to think about in a simple dating situation.
I think the toughest part is admitting that this relationship is actually one that you believe has the potential to go long-term, so it is worth the extra work to keep it active, positive, and solid. Once you make that decision, for certain, then you have more invested and can tell yourself it is worth it all.
As always, I look forward to your comments, Scott
I think this is a good thing in the long run. It means you have to decide if you truly want the relationship and are willing to "tough it out" to keep it going. Of course, I believe that part of it is simply the decision that it is worth keeping.
It is pretty easy (or at least easier) to just let a relationship go when it gets tough or when hard decisions have to be made. It is simpler (at the moment) to just say, "oh well, there will be others," rather than say, "I really love this person and I am willing to do what it takes to keep it going."
A good relationship, by definition, will (and should) demand a bit more of you than one that is casual and not necessarily going to go the distance. You have to deal with options and items that you might not even have to think about in a simple dating situation.
I think the toughest part is admitting that this relationship is actually one that you believe has the potential to go long-term, so it is worth the extra work to keep it active, positive, and solid. Once you make that decision, for certain, then you have more invested and can tell yourself it is worth it all.
As always, I look forward to your comments, Scott
Monday, April 12, 2010
Amazon Earth/Green Day 2010
Today, I just wanted to let you all know about a special offer at Amazon.
On my blog (left side near top) there is an ad for Amazon Green Day 2010.
This is a special offer for Earth Day from Amazon. Please feel free to click on the ad at my blog site and check out their offers.
Thanks,
Scott
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Being open and honest and carrying through
I teach special needs students. One of the things I have learned when dealing with them is to be open in what I expect, honest in my dealings with them, and when I say something - to carry it through. Their troubled lives need consistency and reliability.
I was realizing this morning that they are not the only ones who need those things. Any healthy relationship has to have those at its foundation.
There are many people who believe that, if you love someone and they love you, you should be able to read their minds. It's like: "why should I have to say that? He/She knows that!" Well, maybe they do and maybe they don't, but it seems to me that we have no right to imagine that they know what we want nor do we have a right to get mad when they don't figure out our thoughts. I have made it a habit (as much as I can) to tell people what I expect from them under any circumstance. For example, when I and someone are discussing what we are going to do, I try to finish up with, "so, let me make certain I understand this..." It gives the other person a chance to hear it again, think about it, and to clarify or ask for change right then, instead of it being a big problem later.
And, on the other side of the coin, when I tell someone I am going to do something (especially, if it is important to them), I try my very best to do just that. In my classroom, this is known as not "bluffing". If I tell a student I will punish them for doing something and they do it; I need to punish them. I finally understand the, "this is going to hurt me more than you" statement as it is really tough to punish my students. Sometimes, I mess up and don't; however, more often than not, this blows up in my face later and makes things worse. It can also be true in a relationship with someone you love.
Let me know what you think; and, as always, I look forward to your comments, Scott
I was realizing this morning that they are not the only ones who need those things. Any healthy relationship has to have those at its foundation.
There are many people who believe that, if you love someone and they love you, you should be able to read their minds. It's like: "why should I have to say that? He/She knows that!" Well, maybe they do and maybe they don't, but it seems to me that we have no right to imagine that they know what we want nor do we have a right to get mad when they don't figure out our thoughts. I have made it a habit (as much as I can) to tell people what I expect from them under any circumstance. For example, when I and someone are discussing what we are going to do, I try to finish up with, "so, let me make certain I understand this..." It gives the other person a chance to hear it again, think about it, and to clarify or ask for change right then, instead of it being a big problem later.
And, on the other side of the coin, when I tell someone I am going to do something (especially, if it is important to them), I try my very best to do just that. In my classroom, this is known as not "bluffing". If I tell a student I will punish them for doing something and they do it; I need to punish them. I finally understand the, "this is going to hurt me more than you" statement as it is really tough to punish my students. Sometimes, I mess up and don't; however, more often than not, this blows up in my face later and makes things worse. It can also be true in a relationship with someone you love.
Let me know what you think; and, as always, I look forward to your comments, Scott
Friday, April 9, 2010
Communication
I think that I have discovered for myself that communication is the single most important part of a relationship. Recently, my girlfriend and I went through a tough spot. I was not certain what was going to happen, but was ready to assume that we were done. I went to visit and we talked. After about 3 hours we discovered some things about me, her, us, and some misunderstandings too. By being very honest, we closed some wounds and began the relationship on an even deeper level than before.
What I learned most was that honest, open communication clears the air and put everyone involved in the same boat. We are much better off for it.
As always, I look forward to your comments, Scott
What I learned most was that honest, open communication clears the air and put everyone involved in the same boat. We are much better off for it.
As always, I look forward to your comments, Scott
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Short and simple request
Hey to all! Marissa thinks she figured out why people have been having problems putting comments on my site. I have done as she suggested.
Please try to visit my blog and put a small comment on and let me know if you do, so I can check. email: bookman23@comcast.net
I hope it is fixed,
Scott
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Perseverance
You know, when I restarted this blog, I realized that my perseverance was not terribly high. It took a lot of reassurance for me to begin again. That got me to thinking about a lot of things in my life and the need for strong support for me to persevere.
In a worthwhile cause, perseverance is a tremendous trait. The problem I see is two-fold: First, too many people cannot persevere when the going gets tough. I think that is why a lot of relationships go badly.
Second, there are also a lot of people who persevere when the outcome is either already determined to be done or it is truly not worth the efforts. I believe a lot of relationships have this happen also. There are couples who should, simply put, call it quits. Either things are just way too different, the time is poor, or the other person doesn't want the relationship and persevering simply causes more pain and worse feelings in the end.
How do we know when this happens? I think most people know it, but for some reason are not willing to admit it. I have had several past relationships in which the "writing was on the wall" but I chose to ignore the signs and keep going. Without exception, the relationship ended anyway and there were very strong bad feelings left over that exist to this day on one or both sides.
For those who still need some guidelines for when to persevere and when to quit, here are some things I have observed in my own life and in those around me concerning when to quit: 1) Is one person doing all the work? ie. driving, paying, giving, sharing, etc... 2) Does the other person seem to not truly care whether you are around or not? 3) Do you ever do much together? 4) Do you really ever get your way when there is a difference of opinion? 5) Do you find yourself wondering if someone else might be better? 6) Do those around you keep telling you to quit? 7) Are there rumors that you are being cheated on? 8) Do you feel unloved? 9) Do you feel strange and that your companion thinks so, too?
Now, one of these feelings once in a while may not mean you need to end the relationship; however, you should always note if it does, and you also need to pay attention to whether it is really just "once in a while" (once a month may not be just once in a while). One last one to add to the list would be a fear to be able to share these feelings with your partner. If you believe that: 1) You will be ignored, laughed at, or yelled at, 2) You will be chastised and told that you are being ridiculous or that you are just being paranoid, 3) You will be broken up with just for these thoughts, Then you need to take an even closer look at the situation.
Always remember that there are billions of people in this world and that no one is worth being harassed, yelled at, ignored, or chided all the time. Physical abuse is only one form of abuse. Your emotions and feelings are worthwhile and they need to be listened to, especially by the person you are, supposedly, being loved by. Walking out can be scary and hurt a lot, but, sometimes, it beats the alternative.
As always, I look forward to your comments, Scott
In a worthwhile cause, perseverance is a tremendous trait. The problem I see is two-fold: First, too many people cannot persevere when the going gets tough. I think that is why a lot of relationships go badly.
Second, there are also a lot of people who persevere when the outcome is either already determined to be done or it is truly not worth the efforts. I believe a lot of relationships have this happen also. There are couples who should, simply put, call it quits. Either things are just way too different, the time is poor, or the other person doesn't want the relationship and persevering simply causes more pain and worse feelings in the end.
How do we know when this happens? I think most people know it, but for some reason are not willing to admit it. I have had several past relationships in which the "writing was on the wall" but I chose to ignore the signs and keep going. Without exception, the relationship ended anyway and there were very strong bad feelings left over that exist to this day on one or both sides.
For those who still need some guidelines for when to persevere and when to quit, here are some things I have observed in my own life and in those around me concerning when to quit: 1) Is one person doing all the work? ie. driving, paying, giving, sharing, etc... 2) Does the other person seem to not truly care whether you are around or not? 3) Do you ever do much together? 4) Do you really ever get your way when there is a difference of opinion? 5) Do you find yourself wondering if someone else might be better? 6) Do those around you keep telling you to quit? 7) Are there rumors that you are being cheated on? 8) Do you feel unloved? 9) Do you feel strange and that your companion thinks so, too?
Now, one of these feelings once in a while may not mean you need to end the relationship; however, you should always note if it does, and you also need to pay attention to whether it is really just "once in a while" (once a month may not be just once in a while). One last one to add to the list would be a fear to be able to share these feelings with your partner. If you believe that: 1) You will be ignored, laughed at, or yelled at, 2) You will be chastised and told that you are being ridiculous or that you are just being paranoid, 3) You will be broken up with just for these thoughts, Then you need to take an even closer look at the situation.
Always remember that there are billions of people in this world and that no one is worth being harassed, yelled at, ignored, or chided all the time. Physical abuse is only one form of abuse. Your emotions and feelings are worthwhile and they need to be listened to, especially by the person you are, supposedly, being loved by. Walking out can be scary and hurt a lot, but, sometimes, it beats the alternative.
As always, I look forward to your comments, Scott
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Understanding Prosperity...
I mentioned in the last couple of postings about the book I am reading "The Seven Spiritual Laws of Prosperity" by Randy Gage. He mentioned in the book how strange for him it is to see people with no money talking about how prosperous their lives are: "We have all we need"... and such. I understand his perspective on the issue and I also agree, for the most part, with him. However, sometimes, I think we lose track of what true prosperity is.
I mean, money is important in this world. We have to eat, stay clothed, live somewhere, and all of that takes money. But, I think, too often, we confuse just having "stuff" with being prosperous. If I made a million dollars a year, I know that, after a few years, money would lose a lot of its attraction to me. I am a fairly simple person. I could live on a reasonable amount of money each year and be perfectly happy. In fact, if I did not have to worry about bills, debts, and my health, I would be ecstatic. It doesn't mean I don't want things; it means they are secondary to me.
I have taken a good look at my life in the past year or so, and, in spite of "money problems", I am very happy. I have a nice home, good job, lots of friends, family, someone special who loves me, and my God who takes care of me. That, to me, is the basis of true prosperity. I suppose all I wanted to get across today is that, when we feel down and out, we should take a look around at what we do have and see if it "isn't enough." I have found that, for me, it pretty much is.
As always, I look forward to your comments, Scott
I mean, money is important in this world. We have to eat, stay clothed, live somewhere, and all of that takes money. But, I think, too often, we confuse just having "stuff" with being prosperous. If I made a million dollars a year, I know that, after a few years, money would lose a lot of its attraction to me. I am a fairly simple person. I could live on a reasonable amount of money each year and be perfectly happy. In fact, if I did not have to worry about bills, debts, and my health, I would be ecstatic. It doesn't mean I don't want things; it means they are secondary to me.
I have taken a good look at my life in the past year or so, and, in spite of "money problems", I am very happy. I have a nice home, good job, lots of friends, family, someone special who loves me, and my God who takes care of me. That, to me, is the basis of true prosperity. I suppose all I wanted to get across today is that, when we feel down and out, we should take a look around at what we do have and see if it "isn't enough." I have found that, for me, it pretty much is.
As always, I look forward to your comments, Scott
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Posts need to continue...
Well, it seems I am overruled. I have had two people tell me how much they enjoy my postings and, though they may not have posted a comment (or had problems doing so), they have enjoyed reading it each time a new one is posted.
So, I will continue to post as often as I can. Thank you both for your support. You are dear and wonderful friends.
As to the comments problem: I don't quite know what to do there. I have gone in and posted under the anonymous comment profile and had no problems. Perhaps, that is the best way. I do know this: I would "copy" my comment before trying to post the comment, so you don't lose it if something happens. I have done this and it makes things so much easier. In fact, if it has been a lengthy comment, I have actually saved it to a word document so I can't lose it.
Today, instead of a full posting, I will simply toss a thought out there. I have been reading a book by Randy Gage entitled "The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success". I am not necessarily advocating you read the book; however, I will mention one law he has talked about that has intrigued me immensely. It deals with creating vaccuums in your life. The idea that "nature abhors a vaccuum" is at the base of this. His statement is that in order to receive blessings you need to create a vaccuum for those blessings to fit into. For instance, if you would like to have more money you need to 1) give money away and 2) stop thinking about you not having any money. I have seen this idea over and over throughout my life, but it is starting to stick now. I didn't, for instance, meet Barb until I had decided that I didn't "need" someone in my life and I, basically, stopped looking. People have said this happens, but now I understand the why of it. I created a vaccuum along with a desire. I didn't "need" but desired to have someone special in my life. I have realized that this process has worked for me many times, but I didn't recognize it, so I have other areas that I need to work on with this process.
Just a thought. As always, I look forward to your comments. It's good to be back! Scott
So, I will continue to post as often as I can. Thank you both for your support. You are dear and wonderful friends.
As to the comments problem: I don't quite know what to do there. I have gone in and posted under the anonymous comment profile and had no problems. Perhaps, that is the best way. I do know this: I would "copy" my comment before trying to post the comment, so you don't lose it if something happens. I have done this and it makes things so much easier. In fact, if it has been a lengthy comment, I have actually saved it to a word document so I can't lose it.
Today, instead of a full posting, I will simply toss a thought out there. I have been reading a book by Randy Gage entitled "The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success". I am not necessarily advocating you read the book; however, I will mention one law he has talked about that has intrigued me immensely. It deals with creating vaccuums in your life. The idea that "nature abhors a vaccuum" is at the base of this. His statement is that in order to receive blessings you need to create a vaccuum for those blessings to fit into. For instance, if you would like to have more money you need to 1) give money away and 2) stop thinking about you not having any money. I have seen this idea over and over throughout my life, but it is starting to stick now. I didn't, for instance, meet Barb until I had decided that I didn't "need" someone in my life and I, basically, stopped looking. People have said this happens, but now I understand the why of it. I created a vaccuum along with a desire. I didn't "need" but desired to have someone special in my life. I have realized that this process has worked for me many times, but I didn't recognize it, so I have other areas that I need to work on with this process.
Just a thought. As always, I look forward to your comments. It's good to be back! Scott
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Knowing when to Quit
Well, I have not posted anything here in over a week. No one has mentioned this blog and no one has visited. I don't know why, but I am assuming that the subject matter just doesn't hold anyone's attention right now.
I have decided to stop this blog and move on to something else. If you are truly interested in my continuing, please let me know...
bookman23@comcast.net
Linda, I have lost your email, please send me one. :-)
I am not sad about this; rather I learned a great deal and expect to use it down the road. So, thanks to all and, if I don't hear much from you, I hope your life is full of enjoyable moments and wonderful relationships.
Sincerely,
Scott L. Vannatter
Monday, March 15, 2010
Show Me the Money
Money, of course, is said to make the world go round; it is also said to be the root of all evil; again, it is said you can't take it with you. So, how much importance should we place on money in our relationships.
I feel, of course, that it depends upon what type of relationship you are talking about. However, for the sake of brevity, let's stick to long-term, romantic relationships, ones headed for marriage.
I am not a money person, persay. I don't mean that I don't care about it, my debts, my needs and such; I simply mean that money does not do much for me as far as my caring about it. However, I do know that it can be an important factor in relationships. The biggest thing I see is that it becomes a very important issue if both people in the relationship don't feel the same about it. For a person such as myself, getting involved with someone who thinks money is truly the end-all for everything is going to simply make us both very miserable down the road. The way we view money as a couple will determine how we handle any financial problems that show up down the road. These could include: vacations, home financing, retirement, and simple day-to-day expenses such as groceries. Two people who view finances in a similar fashion are much more likely to succeed long-term than two who don't.
As always, I look forward to your comments, Scott
I feel, of course, that it depends upon what type of relationship you are talking about. However, for the sake of brevity, let's stick to long-term, romantic relationships, ones headed for marriage.
I am not a money person, persay. I don't mean that I don't care about it, my debts, my needs and such; I simply mean that money does not do much for me as far as my caring about it. However, I do know that it can be an important factor in relationships. The biggest thing I see is that it becomes a very important issue if both people in the relationship don't feel the same about it. For a person such as myself, getting involved with someone who thinks money is truly the end-all for everything is going to simply make us both very miserable down the road. The way we view money as a couple will determine how we handle any financial problems that show up down the road. These could include: vacations, home financing, retirement, and simple day-to-day expenses such as groceries. Two people who view finances in a similar fashion are much more likely to succeed long-term than two who don't.
As always, I look forward to your comments, Scott
Friday, March 12, 2010
The need to be selfish
I was raised with the words "Don't be selfish!". I spent most of my life doing for others because of this. I have made a lot of friends, good friends, but I also now realize that I lost out on a lot due to this rule.
The old saying that you can't love others until you love yourself has a lot of truth to it. If you are continually giving to others with little or no thought to yourself, then you end up telling your mind that you are not worth as much as everyone else. This can begin a process, which it did with me, in which your self-esteem drops so low that you develope problems with relationships as well as within yourself. Now, you are at the point where you are helping others at the detriment of yourself.
All of this is only to say that, while you are helping others, take a bit of time once in a while to help yourself; treat yourself to something you enjoy; go somewhere you have wanted to go; see someone you have wanted to visit; in other words, have some fun and put yourself first at times.
As always, I look forward to your comments, Scott
The old saying that you can't love others until you love yourself has a lot of truth to it. If you are continually giving to others with little or no thought to yourself, then you end up telling your mind that you are not worth as much as everyone else. This can begin a process, which it did with me, in which your self-esteem drops so low that you develope problems with relationships as well as within yourself. Now, you are at the point where you are helping others at the detriment of yourself.
All of this is only to say that, while you are helping others, take a bit of time once in a while to help yourself; treat yourself to something you enjoy; go somewhere you have wanted to go; see someone you have wanted to visit; in other words, have some fun and put yourself first at times.
As always, I look forward to your comments, Scott
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