Perseverance

You know, when I restarted this blog, I realized that my perseverance was not terribly high. It took a lot of reassurance for me to begin again. That got me to thinking about a lot of things in my life and the need for strong support for me to persevere.

In a worthwhile cause, perseverance is a tremendous trait. The problem I see is two-fold: First, too many people cannot persevere when the going gets tough. I think that is why a lot of relationships go badly.

Second, there are also a lot of people who persevere when the outcome is either already determined to be done or it is truly not worth the efforts. I believe a lot of relationships have this happen also. There are couples who should, simply put, call it quits. Either things are just way too different, the time is poor, or the other person doesn't want the relationship and persevering simply causes more pain and worse feelings in the end.

How do we know when this happens? I think most people know it, but for some reason are not willing to admit it. I have had several past relationships in which the "writing was on the wall" but I chose to ignore the signs and keep going. Without exception, the relationship ended anyway and there were very strong bad feelings left over that exist to this day on one or both sides.

For those who still need some guidelines for when to persevere and when to quit, here are some things I have observed in my own life and in those around me concerning when to quit: 1) Is one person doing all the work? ie. driving, paying, giving, sharing, etc... 2) Does the other person seem to not truly care whether you are around or not? 3) Do you ever do much together? 4) Do you really ever get your way when there is a difference of opinion? 5) Do you find yourself wondering if someone else might be better? 6) Do those around you keep telling you to quit? 7) Are there rumors that you are being cheated on? 8) Do you feel unloved? 9) Do you feel strange and that your companion thinks so, too?

Now, one of these feelings once in a while may not mean you need to end the relationship; however, you should always note if it does, and you also need to pay attention to whether it is really just "once in a while" (once a month may not be just once in a while). One last one to add to the list would be a fear to be able to share these feelings with your partner. If you believe that: 1) You will be ignored, laughed at, or yelled at, 2) You will be chastised and told that you are being ridiculous or that you are just being paranoid, 3) You will be broken up with just for these thoughts, Then you need to take an even closer look at the situation.

Always remember that there are billions of people in this world and that no one is worth being harassed, yelled at, ignored, or chided all the time. Physical abuse is only one form of abuse. Your emotions and feelings are worthwhile and they need to be listened to, especially by the person you are, supposedly, being loved by. Walking out can be scary and hurt a lot, but, sometimes, it beats the alternative.

As always, I look forward to your comments, Scott