Being open and honest and carrying through

I teach special needs students. One of the things I have learned when dealing with them is to be open in what I expect, honest in my dealings with them, and when I say something - to carry it through. Their troubled lives need consistency and reliability.

I was realizing this morning that they are not the only ones who need those things. Any healthy relationship has to have those at its foundation.

There are many people who believe that, if you love someone and they love you, you should be able to read their minds. It's like: "why should I have to say that? He/She knows that!" Well, maybe they do and maybe they don't, but it seems to me that we have no right to imagine that they know what we want nor do we have a right to get mad when they don't figure out our thoughts. I have made it a habit (as much as I can) to tell people what I expect from them under any circumstance. For example, when I and someone are discussing what we are going to do, I try to finish up with, "so, let me make certain I understand this..." It gives the other person a chance to hear it again, think about it, and to clarify or ask for change right then, instead of it being a big problem later.

And, on the other side of the coin, when I tell someone I am going to do something (especially, if it is important to them), I try my very best to do just that. In my classroom, this is known as not "bluffing". If I tell a student I will punish them for doing something and they do it; I need to punish them. I finally understand the, "this is going to hurt me more than you" statement as it is really tough to punish my students. Sometimes, I mess up and don't; however, more often than not, this blows up in my face later and makes things worse. It can also be true in a relationship with someone you love.

Let me know what you think; and, as always, I look forward to your comments, Scott