Today, let's take a look at dedication, a very important part of loving relationships. Most of the time, we think of dedication as something someone has to a career or a sport or a hobby. We don't often think of dedication as part of a loving relationship in quite those terms.
When people enter into a loving, long-term relationship, they tend to look at it as a situation in which love will always carry them through. I have talked to a lot of married couples and they agree; however, they also say there are those times when it is teeth-gritting, nose-to-the-grindstone effort and determination that keeps them together. A partner does something that infuriates the other person; something happens that tests the partnership to the limits. It is in these times that dedication comes into play.
If a long-term relationship is to prosper and become all that it can be, then both partners have to become dedicated to each other. This does not mean that either should ignore problems; on the contrary, in a long-term, loving, dedicated relationship, partners not only see the problems, but actively engage them in an effort to remove their effects from the situation. This may include making changes to self or long discussions on how the couple can work together to reach an agreement that keeps both people respected and loved and where neither is giving up more than he/she can handle.
What do you think?
I look forward to your comments,
Scott
Thursday, February 25, 2010
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2 comments:
Hi Everyone,
I have read most of these thoughts from the beginning but have had problems responding and a shortness of time to do so, but this one has called me.
Thinking about this subject of dedication and especially what it means in a marriage or committed relationship, touches on issues that are going on in my marriage today.
My husband and I are from different cultures and generations. I come from England and am of a family and generation where punctuality, keeping to your word, responsibility etc., all were highly valued and to some extent, demanded. I certainly demand those things of myself, sometimes too much so.
Fray is Dominican, Latin culture and younger than me, although in this case I don't think that is the key issue. On top of that, he has a personality that does not like to make commitments ahead of time, hates to be pinned down, does not respond well to authority etc., etc. Now, the question is, if we are both dedicated to this marriage, which I believe we are, how do we get around this huge difference. It causes a power struggle between us from time to time and has almost lost me a valued friendship because of my inability to commit to anything ahead of time that involves the two of us. We do talk about it from time to time and I trust that we will reach a compromise but it is a big difficulty.
I think where I am with it today, as a Christian, is that I have to be dedicated to God, to seeing His hand at work in it all and trust that He can make the necessary changes in both of us if we surrender the problem to Him. When we attended pre-marriage classes, the Pastor talked about marriage being a union of three, not two, God being at the centre. This is the only way these days that I can believe that these differences are good in that they make both of us look at the areas where we are not flexible enough and be willing to bend or even submit to the other (as long as there is a mutuality). I am a control freak by nature, I want to know what I am going to be doing in the next x minutes, days, weeks, years......Fray cannot bear to commit to the next hour, neither is desirable. Being dedicated to our marriage is bringing about healthy and desirable in both of us, pushing us to become more open, more giving, more loving and closer to God.
Thanks for listening.
Linda.
Thank you, Linda. I know from our past conversations that some of this has been difficult for you. I like how you feel that God always needs to be at the center of the relationship. People who know me well know that, while I don't particularly hold to Organized Religious beliefs, I do put God at my center. He has never failed to amaze me in what He can do with the messes I make of my life. Relationships have always been tough for me, but that has taken a wonderful turn with my current relationship. She and I fit together so well and agree on so much, that I now understand the life-long commitments people are able to make to each other when it is right. Dedication helps to cement that commitment into what it needs to be.
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