It seems to me that, often, people in relationships (friendly or otherwise) tend to go through cycles in which each person builds up tension of some sort (good or bad) and then needs to release it. I watch friends who really get along one day and the next are at each other's throat. I see people argue, fight, make up, and discuss all within a few minutes. However, what strikes me the most is that, while this seems to be fine and works out in the long run, I don't think it really does. The people, in my opinion, are merely pushing things around instead of "taking out the garbage" (read that as "getting to the root of the problem and working it out long-term").
Instead of just going on and on here, I would like to hear responses to these questions:
1) What do you think of the idea that relationships are cyclic and build up tensions and toxins?
2) What could people do to "take out the garbage"?
Let me know. I am looking forward to your comments.
Scott
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
People talk without communicating many times and often times, with couples, it's easier to not communicate at all and they can then avoid the hassles that go along with making an ammends.
I personally agree with you that this kind of relationship is doomed to destruction, or at minimum, complacency...there's no growth.
These kinds of relationships many hang on for one reason or another (perhaps it's the right thing to do, or they're merely going through the motions), but again, there's no substance to it.
I completely agree with you that to bring a relationship to maturity, there must be ongoing healthy communication...even if it's extremely difficult...even if the "garbage" is heavy and burdensome.
It's essential to sift through it all and pitch all of the unhealthy garbage in order to begin again with a clean, fresh slate.
I'll close with...sometimes we let the garbage of our lives mount to the place where the purity and preciousness of our relationships are clouded by the filth.
Let's take Scott's advice and "Throw out the garbage!!"
Marisa
think what you have described is somewhat common in most relationships. What I think the problem is, is that many people jump right into the next relationship before they have dealt with the issues of the previous relationship. For example, I have a co worker who filed for divorce two months ago. She is already dating. While she is entitled to do as she pleases, she will take the baggage she currently carries and bring it right along into the next relationship. My take was, When I left my last husband, I didn't want a repeat of the last 15 years (three similar husbands). So, I did NOT date the whole time our divorce was going on, I went to counseling to work on ME. Our divorce took two years to complete. He already had wife number 3 ready to get hitched. When my divorce was final, I started dating. My ex has now divorced number 3. I've now been single 10 years. I'm not unhappy at all and I'm not lonely. I learned to be happy with myself and learned to live quite happily by myself (exception, my child is with me). I think my personal issue is that I've become so independent that most guys are put off as they seem to want these clingy, high maintenance gals. I don't NEED a man, but I'd like to have one. In my twenties and thirties I thought I should BE married. Now, I have no desire to do it again. I'm not ruling it out, but I really have it good the way it is. Why am I not into it? Well, most guys claim they want an independent woman but they really do not; they want the clingy, high maintenance gals. They say they want someone honest and outspoken but they don't really mean it. Because if you really say what you think, they get all offended. They still carry baggage from the previous into what they are trying to build. It's obvious to me as I see it. If they were truly ready to begin anew, they'd really know what they want instead of stating in their profiles or to their friends and then being upset that they didn't get what they wanted. Guys and gals fight about everything but the elephant in the room. Why? Because they might have to look within and see where they screwed up. It's easier to think it's the other person's failings and focus on that. So, they fight and make up frequently, not even realizing why they have that dynamic going...........
To really be ready, you need to know yourself, know what YOU did that you have to own. There are things we all do in relationships. You have to own up to your own mistakes and learn from them. Also, when you do that you learn what you will and won't put up with. That helps you choose better the next time. Relationships should be learning experiences, not repeats.
Post a Comment