Listening to your True Self

I teach special education and I have noticed these children (as well as most of the rest of the world) seem very caught up in what others think of them. To a point, that is good. It's a step forward to be proactive in how we appear to others. However, what I am talking about is the times when it becomes so important to you what others think, that you "lose" yourself trying to appease or please them. You go out with friends and they do something or plan to do something you disagree with. You know it's not something you would, normally, choose to do, but you find yourself right in the middle with everyone else. What's really interesting is when you find yourself in this situation and no one even hinted that you needed to. In other words, you become so engrossed in what you "think" they want you to do, you don't even ask. We are in a time of turmoil and change; there are so many different things to choose from that it can seem endless. It becomes a sea of choices. The problem is that most of us cannot seem to swim through this sea of "opportunities" without floundering at times. For some, it is not just floundering; they sink and never come up the same. What is our true opportunity here? Where is the positive? I think the positive opportunity here today is that we have a chance to look deep inside and see our true selves and let that person out for all to see. Instead of just believing or doing because someone else does, thing about it, study it, discuss it. Then, when you truly feel ready to decide, then look at it from all sides and make your choice. More times than not, you will find yourself parting the waters of the sea of choices and becoming a person of infinite worth. I look forward to your comments, Scott

New Day but same problems

I think I will stick with yesterday's topic of True Long-Term Relationships and edge into the term "commitment" today. Yesterday, I spoke of the difference between LTRs and TLTRs; the main difference being the word "true" and what it refers to in an LTR. Truth is a fundamentally important concept in relationships of all types. I can't imagine being in an LTR without truth being one of the foundation blocks. If truth flows through your life and your loves and all your relationships, it just seems to make life easier and much more fulfilling. Here's one big example. I am divorced. In an effort to try and meet more people, I have, over the years, joined and explored several online dating sites. You know, there is a lot of pain and suffering going on in the lives of most of the people on these sites. People have, normally, been hurt by past spouses, lovers, and so forth and are very guarded in what they say and don't say. I think I could go into weeks and weeks of discussion just on these sites, but the point I want to make here today is that what I see a lot of are the guarded emotions of people reflected in the lies/deceptions they portray on these sites. People tell you who they are and what they want and, so often, this is not the truth of the matter. I am not talking about the scammers and predators on sites like these. Though they are rampant, they can, usually, be noticed, figured out, and avoided without too much trouble. No, the ones I am talking about are those people who feel the need to cover up themselves by using false characteristics to get people to check them out. Years ago, I agreed to meet with a young woman who, I felt, had a lot in common with me. We agreed to meet at a local restaurant and eat/chat for a first meeting. When I arrived, it was apparent, first, that the picture in the site was not at all a recent photo, nor was it representative of the person. This, along with other things discovered during the meal/chat helped me to understand that this person was hoping that, if she could just get people to meet her (by lying, basically), they would be so overcome by what a wonderful person "she was" that they would care for her and forget the lies. Was she really trying to deceive people? I don't think so; not really. She had to know that most guys would not put up with someone who, the first thing they noticed, was that the other person was lying. They had to know this. So, what I think is that they were very desperate, not because they were not worth knowing, but because they think that are no longer worth knowing. They do not believe in themselves as worthy of love or care. I grew up with very low self-esteem; I know this feeling; I remember avoiding a lot of social gatherings, because I didn't want to take the chance of people finding out I was really nearly worthless under whatever guise I was wearing. If I did attend, I tended to keep to myself or to only talk to my close friends or to keep the talk very light. I have overcome the vast majority of that today; however, it took years of work, counseling, trial/error situations, and determination that I was worth it. That last part, by the way, is the most important as you will get nowhere at all until you believe in yourself. There are a lot of good books and movies and such on that subject and we can discuss those if you choose to in the discussion. What it all boils down to is that you need commitment in your LTRs so they become TLTRs, and you can't give that commitment well until you can do it with truth, and that first means not lying to yourself. I look forward to your comments, Scott