You know, when I restarted this blog, I realized that my perseverance was not terribly high. It took a lot of reassurance for me to begin again. That got me to thinking about a lot of things in my life and the need for strong support for me to persevere.
In a worthwhile cause, perseverance is a tremendous trait. The problem I see is two-fold: First, too many people cannot persevere when the going gets tough. I think that is why a lot of relationships go badly.
Second, there are also a lot of people who persevere when the outcome is either already determined to be done or it is truly not worth the efforts. I believe a lot of relationships have this happen also. There are couples who should, simply put, call it quits. Either things are just way too different, the time is poor, or the other person doesn't want the relationship and persevering simply causes more pain and worse feelings in the end.
How do we know when this happens? I think most people know it, but for some reason are not willing to admit it. I have had several past relationships in which the "writing was on the wall" but I chose to ignore the signs and keep going. Without exception, the relationship ended anyway and there were very strong bad feelings left over that exist to this day on one or both sides.
For those who still need some guidelines for when to persevere and when to quit, here are some things I have observed in my own life and in those around me concerning when to quit:
1) Is one person doing all the work? ie. driving, paying, giving, sharing, etc...
2) Does the other person seem to not truly care whether you are around or not?
3) Do you ever do much together?
4) Do you really ever get your way when there is a difference of opinion?
5) Do you find yourself wondering if someone else might be better?
6) Do those around you keep telling you to quit?
7) Are there rumors that you are being cheated on?
8) Do you feel unloved?
9) Do you feel strange and that your companion thinks so, too?
Now, one of these feelings once in a while may not mean you need to end the relationship; however, you should always note if it does, and you also need to pay attention to whether it is really just "once in a while" (once a month may not be just once in a while). One last one to add to the list would be a fear to be able to share these feelings with your partner. If you believe that:
1) You will be ignored, laughed at, or yelled at,
2) You will be chastised and told that you are being ridiculous or that you are just being paranoid,
3) You will be broken up with just for these thoughts,
Then you need to take an even closer look at the situation.
Always remember that there are billions of people in this world and that no one is worth being harassed, yelled at, ignored, or chided all the time. Physical abuse is only one form of abuse. Your emotions and feelings are worthwhile and they need to be listened to, especially by the person you are, supposedly, being loved by. Walking out can be scary and hurt a lot, but, sometimes, it beats the alternative.
As always, I look forward to your comments,
Scott
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Understanding Prosperity...
I mentioned in the last couple of postings about the book I am reading "The Seven Spiritual Laws of Prosperity" by Randy Gage. He mentioned in the book how strange for him it is to see people with no money talking about how prosperous their lives are: "We have all we need"... and such. I understand his perspective on the issue and I also agree, for the most part, with him. However, sometimes, I think we lose track of what true prosperity is.
I mean, money is important in this world. We have to eat, stay clothed, live somewhere, and all of that takes money. But, I think, too often, we confuse just having "stuff" with being prosperous. If I made a million dollars a year, I know that, after a few years, money would lose a lot of its attraction to me. I am a fairly simple person. I could live on a reasonable amount of money each year and be perfectly happy. In fact, if I did not have to worry about bills, debts, and my health, I would be ecstatic. It doesn't mean I don't want things; it means they are secondary to me.
I have taken a good look at my life in the past year or so, and, in spite of "money problems", I am very happy. I have a nice home, good job, lots of friends, family, someone special who loves me, and my God who takes care of me. That, to me, is the basis of true prosperity. I suppose all I wanted to get across today is that, when we feel down and out, we should take a look around at what we do have and see if it "isn't enough." I have found that, for me, it pretty much is.
As always, I look forward to your comments, Scott
I mean, money is important in this world. We have to eat, stay clothed, live somewhere, and all of that takes money. But, I think, too often, we confuse just having "stuff" with being prosperous. If I made a million dollars a year, I know that, after a few years, money would lose a lot of its attraction to me. I am a fairly simple person. I could live on a reasonable amount of money each year and be perfectly happy. In fact, if I did not have to worry about bills, debts, and my health, I would be ecstatic. It doesn't mean I don't want things; it means they are secondary to me.
I have taken a good look at my life in the past year or so, and, in spite of "money problems", I am very happy. I have a nice home, good job, lots of friends, family, someone special who loves me, and my God who takes care of me. That, to me, is the basis of true prosperity. I suppose all I wanted to get across today is that, when we feel down and out, we should take a look around at what we do have and see if it "isn't enough." I have found that, for me, it pretty much is.
As always, I look forward to your comments, Scott
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Posts need to continue...
Well, it seems I am overruled. I have had two people tell me how much they enjoy my postings and, though they may not have posted a comment (or had problems doing so), they have enjoyed reading it each time a new one is posted.
So, I will continue to post as often as I can. Thank you both for your support. You are dear and wonderful friends.
As to the comments problem: I don't quite know what to do there. I have gone in and posted under the anonymous comment profile and had no problems. Perhaps, that is the best way. I do know this: I would "copy" my comment before trying to post the comment, so you don't lose it if something happens. I have done this and it makes things so much easier. In fact, if it has been a lengthy comment, I have actually saved it to a word document so I can't lose it.
Today, instead of a full posting, I will simply toss a thought out there. I have been reading a book by Randy Gage entitled "The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success". I am not necessarily advocating you read the book; however, I will mention one law he has talked about that has intrigued me immensely. It deals with creating vaccuums in your life. The idea that "nature abhors a vaccuum" is at the base of this. His statement is that in order to receive blessings you need to create a vaccuum for those blessings to fit into. For instance, if you would like to have more money you need to 1) give money away and 2) stop thinking about you not having any money. I have seen this idea over and over throughout my life, but it is starting to stick now. I didn't, for instance, meet Barb until I had decided that I didn't "need" someone in my life and I, basically, stopped looking. People have said this happens, but now I understand the why of it. I created a vaccuum along with a desire. I didn't "need" but desired to have someone special in my life. I have realized that this process has worked for me many times, but I didn't recognize it, so I have other areas that I need to work on with this process.
Just a thought. As always, I look forward to your comments. It's good to be back! Scott
So, I will continue to post as often as I can. Thank you both for your support. You are dear and wonderful friends.
As to the comments problem: I don't quite know what to do there. I have gone in and posted under the anonymous comment profile and had no problems. Perhaps, that is the best way. I do know this: I would "copy" my comment before trying to post the comment, so you don't lose it if something happens. I have done this and it makes things so much easier. In fact, if it has been a lengthy comment, I have actually saved it to a word document so I can't lose it.
Today, instead of a full posting, I will simply toss a thought out there. I have been reading a book by Randy Gage entitled "The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success". I am not necessarily advocating you read the book; however, I will mention one law he has talked about that has intrigued me immensely. It deals with creating vaccuums in your life. The idea that "nature abhors a vaccuum" is at the base of this. His statement is that in order to receive blessings you need to create a vaccuum for those blessings to fit into. For instance, if you would like to have more money you need to 1) give money away and 2) stop thinking about you not having any money. I have seen this idea over and over throughout my life, but it is starting to stick now. I didn't, for instance, meet Barb until I had decided that I didn't "need" someone in my life and I, basically, stopped looking. People have said this happens, but now I understand the why of it. I created a vaccuum along with a desire. I didn't "need" but desired to have someone special in my life. I have realized that this process has worked for me many times, but I didn't recognize it, so I have other areas that I need to work on with this process.
Just a thought. As always, I look forward to your comments. It's good to be back! Scott
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Knowing when to Quit
Well, I have not posted anything here in over a week. No one has mentioned this blog and no one has visited. I don't know why, but I am assuming that the subject matter just doesn't hold anyone's attention right now.
I have decided to stop this blog and move on to something else. If you are truly interested in my continuing, please let me know...
bookman23@comcast.net
Linda, I have lost your email, please send me one. :-)
I am not sad about this; rather I learned a great deal and expect to use it down the road. So, thanks to all and, if I don't hear much from you, I hope your life is full of enjoyable moments and wonderful relationships.
Sincerely,
Scott L. Vannatter
Monday, March 15, 2010
Show Me the Money
Money, of course, is said to make the world go round; it is also said to be the root of all evil; again, it is said you can't take it with you. So, how much importance should we place on money in our relationships.
I feel, of course, that it depends upon what type of relationship you are talking about. However, for the sake of brevity, let's stick to long-term, romantic relationships, ones headed for marriage.
I am not a money person, persay. I don't mean that I don't care about it, my debts, my needs and such; I simply mean that money does not do much for me as far as my caring about it. However, I do know that it can be an important factor in relationships. The biggest thing I see is that it becomes a very important issue if both people in the relationship don't feel the same about it. For a person such as myself, getting involved with someone who thinks money is truly the end-all for everything is going to simply make us both very miserable down the road. The way we view money as a couple will determine how we handle any financial problems that show up down the road. These could include: vacations, home financing, retirement, and simple day-to-day expenses such as groceries. Two people who view finances in a similar fashion are much more likely to succeed long-term than two who don't.
As always, I look forward to your comments, Scott
I feel, of course, that it depends upon what type of relationship you are talking about. However, for the sake of brevity, let's stick to long-term, romantic relationships, ones headed for marriage.
I am not a money person, persay. I don't mean that I don't care about it, my debts, my needs and such; I simply mean that money does not do much for me as far as my caring about it. However, I do know that it can be an important factor in relationships. The biggest thing I see is that it becomes a very important issue if both people in the relationship don't feel the same about it. For a person such as myself, getting involved with someone who thinks money is truly the end-all for everything is going to simply make us both very miserable down the road. The way we view money as a couple will determine how we handle any financial problems that show up down the road. These could include: vacations, home financing, retirement, and simple day-to-day expenses such as groceries. Two people who view finances in a similar fashion are much more likely to succeed long-term than two who don't.
As always, I look forward to your comments, Scott
Friday, March 12, 2010
The need to be selfish
I was raised with the words "Don't be selfish!". I spent most of my life doing for others because of this. I have made a lot of friends, good friends, but I also now realize that I lost out on a lot due to this rule.
The old saying that you can't love others until you love yourself has a lot of truth to it. If you are continually giving to others with little or no thought to yourself, then you end up telling your mind that you are not worth as much as everyone else. This can begin a process, which it did with me, in which your self-esteem drops so low that you develope problems with relationships as well as within yourself. Now, you are at the point where you are helping others at the detriment of yourself.
All of this is only to say that, while you are helping others, take a bit of time once in a while to help yourself; treat yourself to something you enjoy; go somewhere you have wanted to go; see someone you have wanted to visit; in other words, have some fun and put yourself first at times.
As always, I look forward to your comments, Scott
The old saying that you can't love others until you love yourself has a lot of truth to it. If you are continually giving to others with little or no thought to yourself, then you end up telling your mind that you are not worth as much as everyone else. This can begin a process, which it did with me, in which your self-esteem drops so low that you develope problems with relationships as well as within yourself. Now, you are at the point where you are helping others at the detriment of yourself.
All of this is only to say that, while you are helping others, take a bit of time once in a while to help yourself; treat yourself to something you enjoy; go somewhere you have wanted to go; see someone you have wanted to visit; in other words, have some fun and put yourself first at times.
As always, I look forward to your comments, Scott
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Putting Things Off
You know, even in relationships, putting things off can have a harmful, if not devastating effect. This is especially true if there is something serious that needs to be talked about. People do not want to do unpleasant things. So, when faced with such a situation, they will, often, find nearly any excuse to put off the discussion. What happens is that, too often, the topic will become one of those "avoided" items because, as this continues, the situation becomes even more toxic.
This goes back to the truth we talked about in a past posting. If a couple can always face the truth and always be truthful to each other, then such toxic topics can be discussed freely and will, for the most part, lose their poison. In fact, such a conversation can prove beneficial to the couple's relationship as it promotes openness, honesty, and a sense of "we can overcome this" feeling.
As always, I look forward to your comments, Scott
This goes back to the truth we talked about in a past posting. If a couple can always face the truth and always be truthful to each other, then such toxic topics can be discussed freely and will, for the most part, lose their poison. In fact, such a conversation can prove beneficial to the couple's relationship as it promotes openness, honesty, and a sense of "we can overcome this" feeling.
As always, I look forward to your comments, Scott
Monday, March 8, 2010
When and Why?
I had a friend make a request that I discuss the whens and whys of sex in a relationship. I know that is an explosive subject, so I would ask this: I don't mind any opinions on the topic; however, I would like people to remember this is a spiritual site, not a religious one. So, please keep the criticism and judgments out. With that in mind, I will approach this one...
I think the problem with a lot of close relationships is that they are based on sex instead of using sex as an extention of the relationship. In other words, sex becomes the goal instead of just a part of a growing closeness.
In a society in which sex permeates every area of life, we may, too often, put sex on an altar and almost worship it as the end all to everything. Young people (and a lot of older ones, too) feel that, if the sex isn't great, then the relationship is doomed. I suppose some of my beliefs have changed because of my age, but I have also seen and talked to many people who have centered their relationship on love, caring, and living a wonderful life together and, for most of them, sex is an additional blessing, not the end in itself.
Well, enough from me. I am looking forward to hearing your comments, Scott
I think the problem with a lot of close relationships is that they are based on sex instead of using sex as an extention of the relationship. In other words, sex becomes the goal instead of just a part of a growing closeness.
In a society in which sex permeates every area of life, we may, too often, put sex on an altar and almost worship it as the end all to everything. Young people (and a lot of older ones, too) feel that, if the sex isn't great, then the relationship is doomed. I suppose some of my beliefs have changed because of my age, but I have also seen and talked to many people who have centered their relationship on love, caring, and living a wonderful life together and, for most of them, sex is an additional blessing, not the end in itself.
Well, enough from me. I am looking forward to hearing your comments, Scott
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Ideas?
I was thinking that, while I love to choose topics and share ideas with you about those topics, there might be some relationship, spiritual, or connection topics you might be interested in having me begin one morning. So, today, I would like to hear from you in the form of comments. Please suggest some topics that fit this blog and I will try to write about all of them in one way or another over the next few days.
Be creative; be tough; above all, be in touch...
I look forward to your comments, Scott
Be creative; be tough; above all, be in touch...
I look forward to your comments, Scott
Monday, March 1, 2010
Opposites Attract
"Opposites Attract"
This old saying was supposed to indicate, I suppose, that variety in a relationship is good. I guess I would agree, to a point. However, when you look at it closer, I believe that there are some problems which stick out in the real world.
People are different; no two are the same. So, there will always be some differences in any two people in a relationship. However, the foundations of a relationship are laid upon the fact that two people can "share" their lives. It is difficult to do that if the two people are truly opposites. How could they lead good, solid, normal lives if they didn't share a lot of beliefs, ideas, and activities? I have met happily married people who seem to be opposites. I have met people who are not very happy who seem to share most of their lives. Why would this be?
My guess is that neither is truly what they seem. I imagine that the "opposite" couples have much more in common than it appears; the similarities are simply deeper than it looks. They may share common goals in life; ways to approach situations; fundamental views on religion or other core-areas. The "similar" couples may not share these ideas, but only superficial beliefs such as minor interests, same tastes in clothes, food, and hobbies.
I will seldom say "never" or "always" when stating viewpoints. This being said, I truly feel that the more areas in which a couple shares ideas and views, the better.
I look forward to your comments, Scott
This old saying was supposed to indicate, I suppose, that variety in a relationship is good. I guess I would agree, to a point. However, when you look at it closer, I believe that there are some problems which stick out in the real world.
People are different; no two are the same. So, there will always be some differences in any two people in a relationship. However, the foundations of a relationship are laid upon the fact that two people can "share" their lives. It is difficult to do that if the two people are truly opposites. How could they lead good, solid, normal lives if they didn't share a lot of beliefs, ideas, and activities? I have met happily married people who seem to be opposites. I have met people who are not very happy who seem to share most of their lives. Why would this be?
My guess is that neither is truly what they seem. I imagine that the "opposite" couples have much more in common than it appears; the similarities are simply deeper than it looks. They may share common goals in life; ways to approach situations; fundamental views on religion or other core-areas. The "similar" couples may not share these ideas, but only superficial beliefs such as minor interests, same tastes in clothes, food, and hobbies.
I will seldom say "never" or "always" when stating viewpoints. This being said, I truly feel that the more areas in which a couple shares ideas and views, the better.
I look forward to your comments, Scott
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