Relationships you affect even if you don't know the person.

Hello to all, You know, I have a lot of trouble with racial statements in my classroom at times. I know several people I would categorize as racists. Here's the problem: Tonight, I received an email sent by someone I know. It contained a forward of a letter supposedly written about a statement made by a celebrity about racial prejudices by people other than white people. I read it; I even agree with some points to a small degree; however, when I took the 5 minutes to look it up on Snopes.com, it was stated to be almost totally false.

Here's my problem. All the people who read this before took the time to pick all their family and friends in their email boxes to send this letter to. They took the time to read it, blindly accept it as true, and then pass it on others. What would have hurt to have spent the 5 minutes I did to look up the validity of the letter before sending it out to 30 other people?

I have a couple of thoughts. You decide how they sound. First, the person merely passed it on because a "Friend" passed it on, so it must be true.

Second, the person passed it on because it sounded "good".

Third, the person didn't care whether it was true or not.

Okay, my take on this is that, whatever the case, whoever sends these types of emails on are adding more to the problem than taking away from them. For one, that person is basically stating that they believe this to be true, so others who know that person may believe it is true. For another, others can "assume" that, if you pass these emails on then YOU agree with them and actually promote the ideas in them. And, finally, if they turn out not to be true, you have shown that you don't check into the things you pass on, making, at least, me reserve any beliefs I might have about things you send in the future.

If it sounds like I am upset, it's because I am. What if you were one of the people who was affected by this type of email. Let's try this. How about if I chose to write something about you that was false, but really hard to prove that way. I embellish it and send it out to all my friends. They see my name and, because I am usually truthful, decide it MUST be TRUE! So, they send it out to all their friends. Now, their friends may not know either you or me; however, they believe their friends would not send out bad things about people, so they pass it on. Do you realize that if I send it out to 30 people and only 25% (7-8) people pass it on and that trend continues every 30 minutes, that:

In 1 hour, 56 people will be passing it on as true, In 2 hours, 3,150 people will be passing it on as true, In 3 hours, over 1.77 million people will be passing on as true, and In 4 hours, almost 10 million people will be passing on as true. Now, how would you feel knowing that in less than 5 hours, nearly everyone in the entire WORLD (5 billion+) might believe something about you that is terribly false?

Just something to think about when you receive emails.

As always, I love to hear your responses, Scott

Relationships worth having can be hard

I have noticed that the old saying, "If it's worth having, it's worth working hard for," seems to be really true with good relationships. They test your mettle; they bring you to situations in which you may have to make very tough decisions and work hard to keep them.

I think this is a good thing in the long run. It means you have to decide if you truly want the relationship and are willing to "tough it out" to keep it going. Of course, I believe that part of it is simply the decision that it is worth keeping.

It is pretty easy (or at least easier) to just let a relationship go when it gets tough or when hard decisions have to be made. It is simpler (at the moment) to just say, "oh well, there will be others," rather than say, "I really love this person and I am willing to do what it takes to keep it going."

A good relationship, by definition, will (and should) demand a bit more of you than one that is casual and not necessarily going to go the distance. You have to deal with options and items that you might not even have to think about in a simple dating situation.

I think the toughest part is admitting that this relationship is actually one that you believe has the potential to go long-term, so it is worth the extra work to keep it active, positive, and solid. Once you make that decision, for certain, then you have more invested and can tell yourself it is worth it all.

As always, I look forward to your comments, Scott

Amazon Earth/Green Day 2010

Today, I just wanted to let you all know about a special offer at Amazon. On my blog (left side near top) there is an ad for Amazon Green Day 2010. This is a special offer for Earth Day from Amazon. Please feel free to click on the ad at my blog site and check out their offers. Thanks, Scott

Being open and honest and carrying through

I teach special needs students. One of the things I have learned when dealing with them is to be open in what I expect, honest in my dealings with them, and when I say something - to carry it through. Their troubled lives need consistency and reliability.

I was realizing this morning that they are not the only ones who need those things. Any healthy relationship has to have those at its foundation.

There are many people who believe that, if you love someone and they love you, you should be able to read their minds. It's like: "why should I have to say that? He/She knows that!" Well, maybe they do and maybe they don't, but it seems to me that we have no right to imagine that they know what we want nor do we have a right to get mad when they don't figure out our thoughts. I have made it a habit (as much as I can) to tell people what I expect from them under any circumstance. For example, when I and someone are discussing what we are going to do, I try to finish up with, "so, let me make certain I understand this..." It gives the other person a chance to hear it again, think about it, and to clarify or ask for change right then, instead of it being a big problem later.

And, on the other side of the coin, when I tell someone I am going to do something (especially, if it is important to them), I try my very best to do just that. In my classroom, this is known as not "bluffing". If I tell a student I will punish them for doing something and they do it; I need to punish them. I finally understand the, "this is going to hurt me more than you" statement as it is really tough to punish my students. Sometimes, I mess up and don't; however, more often than not, this blows up in my face later and makes things worse. It can also be true in a relationship with someone you love.

Let me know what you think; and, as always, I look forward to your comments, Scott

Communication

I think that I have discovered for myself that communication is the single most important part of a relationship. Recently, my girlfriend and I went through a tough spot. I was not certain what was going to happen, but was ready to assume that we were done. I went to visit and we talked. After about 3 hours we discovered some things about me, her, us, and some misunderstandings too. By being very honest, we closed some wounds and began the relationship on an even deeper level than before.

What I learned most was that honest, open communication clears the air and put everyone involved in the same boat. We are much better off for it.

As always, I look forward to your comments, Scott

Short and simple request

Hey to all! Marissa thinks she figured out why people have been having problems putting comments on my site. I have done as she suggested. Please try to visit my blog and put a small comment on and let me know if you do, so I can check. email: bookman23@comcast.net I hope it is fixed, Scott